Archive for March 2015

Wrestlemania, The place where new stars are made

March 31, 2015

Song of the week.

I didn’t say the song would be good every week.

Wrestling isn’t wrestling

One of my favourite youtube videos of late is this gem.

Story matters in wrestling. So I have decided for fun to attempt to see how every storyline culminated at the grandest stage of them all, Wrestlemania.

If you watch wrestling this will make a lot more sense than if you don’t. I will try and give descriptions of people I haven’t talked about on.

Well, it’s the pre show

Tag Team Turducken
New Day VS CesaroKidd VS Los Matadores VS Jey Uso

Before Wrestlemania: Unfortunately WWE never has cared much about it’s tag division. So there isn’t much here. I’ll try my best to set up the narrative to this match.

The Usos having a dominant year have hit a snag of late, They lost the belts to a newly formed tag team of Cesaro and Tyson Kidd. Wrestlemania would be the perfect time to reclaim them but Jimmy Uso got injured and it is unknown if he can even wrestle at the event. They also suffered rare losses to other teams involved in this four way. Can they overcome their failures as of late and reclaim the belts.

Los Matadores is a tag team consisting of two bullfighters and a midget dressed up as their little bull El Torito. It’s a kind of racist gimmick. WWE has a problem with generalizing people from time to time. That aside they’ve won a couple of matches in the last few months and have earned their spot in this match.

The New Day is a faction that was created when three wrestlers who were friends who shared interests and happened to be black decided to try and make a group that brought forward their strengths and combined them. Xavier Woods intellect, Big E (who lost his last name to a angry russian) and the speed and high flying of Kofi Kingston.They were set to be a impressive faction breaking stereotypes and ….. WWE saddled them with a gospel/preacher gimmick that pretty much everyone hates. To the point where crowds are chanting they suck even though they are supposed to be the good guys. They are a extremely talented group and it annoys me to see them be treated like this.

Lastly the champions are Cesaro (who sold his first name to win a battle royal last year at wrestlemania) and Tyson Kidd. Kidd is married to Natalya Neidhart. The Hart’s are a famous Canadian wrestling family and the general joke of this team is that Tyson doesn’t appreciate his wife while his wife is a bigger deal than he is. Also they both love chicken fries.

The story leading into mania for them is they just recently got the belts off the Usos and hope to show their dominance and skill by keeping their belts at mania.

Results: At the start of the match the injured Uso gets attacked immediately taking him out of the match. What follows is a impressive high energy match that ends with Tyson Kidd and Cesaro retaining the belts by stealing the pin from the remaining Uso. No real complaints here. Tyson and Cesaro needed to keep the belts for now and the match did a great job of giving a lot of people big impactful moments of action. Even all the competitors not in the match got to do something cool.

The Andre the Giant Memorial way to try to give the majority of the roster a paycheque for Wrestlemania
Originally set to be on the actual main show, this match was bumped to the preshow. I’m not going to give rundowns for every single competitor in this match due since there’s like 25 people in it but I’ll try and give the story leading into it and throw in a few names that were more prominent leading up to the show.

Curtis Axel- Earlier in the year he was attacked before entering the last big battle royal styled match. Since he never entered the ring he was technically never eliminated. He’s run with that and has declared a movement entitled Axelmania to right the wrongs that has occurred to him. The commentators treat him as a joke however it’s weird to say here but this is the most liked Curtis Axel has been with people in his entire run in the company so far. A win here could help him be perceived as a threat and not a joke.

Ryback,The Big Show, Kane, Mark Henry- Four large dominant power wrestlers in the WWE of varying ages and wrestling ability. A win here could help them a bit even though they’re known as powerful wrestlers none of them have had any big accomplishments as of late. Big Show and Kane are supposed to be the heavy hitters who work for the evil bosses of the company but as of late haven’t been able to work together. Mark Henry has just returned after a bit of a absence and Ryback is finally starting to get fan support.

Miz and Damien Sandow- If Johnny Cage was somehow even more of a asshole and became a pro wrestler we’d have The Miz. The Miz who decided that wrestling might injure his face so he hired a skilled cosplayer to pretend to be him in matches. Do the two men look alike at all? Nope. Unfortunately for Miz his stunt double is becoming more popular than him every day so Miz has spent the last couple of months attempting to keep his stunt double in his place so he can continue to use him to help him out. Miz believes that without him Damien Sandow (Now Mizdow) would end up fading into obscurity kind of like the last person to work for The Miz. Could one of them winning prove to the other which is the bigger star? Will Mizdow finally stand up for himself after being bullied by The Miz for so long.

Hideo Itami- A famous Japanese wrestler who inspired one of the biggest wrestlers in the past decade (CM Punk) has finally made it to WWE. Winning this would be a great first impression. Less so now that it’s on the pre show but still.

Cesaro- If he trades his last name to win this year, he will have no name left.

20 other superstars: There’s a lot of underappreciated talents here. Unfortunately none of them really have any story going into this match and therefore are highly unlikely to win it. That being said a win here would help any of them begin a new storyline.


The winner ended up being The Big Show. A lot of people don’t love that but I’ll get back to that in a minute.

Miz and Mizdow’s story came to a head in the match, first having The Miz’s former protege who hasn’t been seen in years be in the match to attempt to get some revenge on Miz. Later having Mizdow toss Miz out of the ring to finally stand up for himself and try to go it on his own.

Itami made a small impact but was tossed out fairly easily by Big Show who eclipsed him in size.

Axel showboated and got the entire ring to eliminate him immediately by just being a ass.

Cesaro Ryback and Kane all had strong showings but all came up short in the match.

Anyway, back to the match the end result was Mizdow and Big show going 1 on 1. Mizdow tries to rally everything to eliminate the giant but fails.

The Big Show wins. A lot of people will say that Big Show doesn’t need the win. Except he kind of does.

Big Show is supposed to be this scary giant a useful tool for the big bad Authority to keep the roster in line. He comes off as more of a whiny jerk who can never get the job done. Him winning this adds another notch to his belt. This is a man who is looked at as a a threat in every Battle Royal/Royal Rumble but has never won a big one. Him winning this actually enforces that the giants are a threat in these type of matches. That if you don’t eliminate them when there’s enough people to do it together you may never eliminate them. Big Show was brought in as kind of a replacement for the late Andre The Giant so in that way it’s also kind of fitting that he won. It gives him power without him having to take a belt off someone or singlehandedly make someone look terrible in the ring. Do I like that the Big Show won? No

But the match isn’t that big of a deal. It didn’t help Cesaro last year by winning it and in the long run it’s not that big of a accomplishment. But to Big Show it is. Someone like Big Show shouldn’t win the rumble, or money in the bank. But he needs to be seen as someone who can win something like those matches. This does that.